The Monster Inside Me
Isabella Coloca | Sunshine Heights Primary School |
5/6 English | Term 2 2025
Have you ever gone to bed with this crushing weight over you, so heavy you couldn’t breathe? And then when you wake up hopeful that it has gone, it’s still there? This is me every day. A monster inside me controls me and doesn’t let me use my imagination to make games or do things. The monster tries to make me scared and anxious over things I’m not even scared of, and it tries to make me look like a fool. I try to stop it and make it get out of my life but it’s too powerful for me to fight. It’s never easy. I feel like I’ve gone to a cursed world that I can never leave. My days get worse because the monster remains inside me like my brain does. I would like to be with my friends and enjoy myself, but I don’t think I will be able to with the monster in me. The monster is like a riddle I must solve and then it will leave me alone. This monster makes me feel as though it’s terrible living in this cruel world because it’s full of sadness.
Life for me is overwhelming, especially with the monster controlling my body. My life is getting destroyed and my imagination and dreams slowly begin vanishing. I’ve been tortured by the thing controlling my life making me vulnerable and trapped. Where once I dreamed of playing with my friends and cousins in my backyard, the sun shining, the clouds white and fluffy. We would laugh as we played mums and dads, running around without a care in the world. Now, I can never go to sleep without the monster making me think that I’m useless and boring and these games I created for my friends were ones they hated. But that’s what the monster makes me think. This torture continues all throughout the night until I scream “STOP!” The monster wants me to think that it’s better than me and that I’m a failure to everyone I know. My dreams have turned into nightmares and my imagination is no longer there helping me make new games or create incredible things.
This monster does not just appear at night, it’s there during my waking hours too. The monster makes me too anxious to make new friends or even talk to new people because it basically wants my life ruined. It’s there no matter where I am or what I’m doing. It’s not fun having a monster in you that makes you feel sad and in a cruel world. I think it’s just because of the disorders I have, and the monster thinks I’m an easy target. My brain does work differently to my friends. I get worried more. I don’t like loud noises or crowded places. I need to feel safe with people and sometimes I don’t really get why people have expressions on their faces sometimes. See? Easy target. Life will be a breeze if the monster is gone and. I will be happy like I was when I was little and didn’t worry so much. The monster is making me afraid of things I never once was.
I want to get out of the cursed world and go to the real world where I once was, but to make that happen, the monster needs to be defeated for good. If the monster is defeated, my body wouldn’t be filled with deep emotions and sadness. I feel like a bug caught in a spider’s web. Even if I write about the monster, it doesn’t get weaker or stronger it stays the same. The only way I can defeat the monster is if I convince it that it is wrong and that it is not going to torture me anymore so I will finally be free. I’m pretty sure that it is trying to make me friendless and wanting me to not like who I am, adding another disorder to my life. I will go back to feeling like I’m a princess without a monster in me. Scratches and marks will be worth it because I know I will defeat the monster and I will enjoy my life again. I will have a huge smile on my face once again. I know that sometimes the monster is trying to protect me, making me think more about my actions. But it’s not always needed. I can’t keep letting it push me like the way it does and even if it’s risky it will be worth fighting for.
All this is about to end because the monster shall not torture me anymore. I’m ready to face this creature no matter what it takes. I’ll make it run because I’m tired of the monster being the cause to all my problems, but also, the worst problem I will ever face. And I can succeed in destroying this monster because I am the one that created it. For every negative comment I made about myself, it grew stronger. But this will change. I have learnt that the monster becomes smaller when I am nice to myself. I AM smart. My friends DO like me. I DIDN’T lose the game for my team. I AM NOT going to be laughed at. After it’s gone, I will feel happy and at peace. It can’t stay in my body forever because I’m not going to let it. It doesn’t have the right to be in my body because it wasn’t invited. I must listen to MY voice. I must listen to the amazing family and friends that tell me good things every day. Something tells me that I will defeat the monster and go back to the real world instead of this cruel world. I know why It’s here and what it’s trying to do to me. I know I am amazing. The monster is made from my anxiety and bad comments I make about myself.
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My dreams have returned with my imagination beside it. I’ve returned to the kind, real world. Something glorious in me gave me courage to stand up to the monster. I am glad I defeated the monster because defeating it took me back to the real world and not the lonely world. It has left my body because I scared it away. Nothing will stop me from dreaming and using my imagination anymore. I’m now controlling my body once again. No more nightmares now that the monster is gone. Sadness has fallen and happiness has risen. The monster wanted me to get mad but also wanted to keep me safe and I have learnt that it can always come back if I make too many bad comments about myself. It tried to make me feel like a failure to all I love. Now I listen to the voices of my friends. I listen to the voices of my family. I have found my voice, and I am listening.
